We Asked People How Long They Waited to Say ‘I Love You’

Noah and Allie. Chuck and Blair. Harry and Sally. What have they all taught us? And not just in the movies. Saying “I love you” to someone IRL is an incredibly hard thing to do, especially when you’re saying it for the first time. So much is going through your head. There’s the fear of rejection—that the person you’re saying it to doesn’t feel the same way. There’s the fear that you’re not going to say it right. Or that you’ll say it too soon.

When To Say ‘I Love You’—And The Best Way To Do It For The First Time

It’s that moment in a relationship when the time comes to decide to take things to the next level, or to move on. Often this is when people start considering their feelings for their partner and debating whether or not to break out the L-word. That’s right, love. But no matter how many times we’ve all stood at these crossroads, knowing for sure whether it’s the right time to tell someone you love them can be difficult.

We drive ourselves crazy wondering if our partner feels the same, or if it’s too soon, or even if we’re just saying it because they said it first.

Commonly, the scariest part of a new relationship is saying “I love you.” If you truly love your partner, confess your feelings when the time feels right. feel strongly about your partner after a few dates, avoid telling them you love them until you.

Three main qualities go with being in love: attraction, closeness, and commitment. Relationships can be about any or all of these. Attraction is the “chemistry” part of love. It’s all about the physical — even sexual — interest that two people have in each other. Relationships that are based on attraction alone are usually more about fun and infatuation than real love.

Conventional wisdom says that, for guys in their early teens, relationships are mainly about physical attraction. Our survey showed that this “conventional wisdom” doesn’t mean all guys fall into this mold.

Say I Love You. I’m Waiting.

Six months after her divorce, Jo Carter, a project manager at a university in Madison, Wisconsin, thought she was ready to date. She had married her high-school prom date a year after graduating from college, and they were together for 19 years before splitting up. I just sat there looking at my computer thinking, What just happened here? But there was a whole lot going on in my brain that I may not have been consciously aware of. It was another six months before I went on my first date.

According to Stephanie Coontz, a professor of history and family studies at Evergreen State College, this is likely because of a reversal in how people think about marriage and commitment that occurred over the course of those decades.

When your man is working through other issues and trying to manage everything that’s on his plate, you may not get to hear how much he cares.

Waiting to hear those three magic words from your partner can feel like an eternity. You may even start questioning the future of your relationship and where things are heading. In many instances, putting off this major relationship milestone is a way for him to protect himself from heartbreak in the future and avoid the risk of getting hurt yet again. It can be a frightening prospect to make this kind of bold and powerful declaration of love without knowing how the other person is going to react.

He may be hesitant to come on too strong. The fear of not having these loving feelings reciprocated can be enough to deter a man from saying those three words. Perhaps your significant other has pressing and pertinent matters on his mind.

How long should you wait before saying ‘I love you’?

Looks like you’ve reached the infamous impasse in the relationship when you and your partner dance around the words “I love you” but never actually say them. And chances are, there’s no way in heck you’re going to spill the beans first! Fair enough. With a little finesse and a dash of psychology, find out how to get him to say I love you. When this happens, playfully brush him off and say, “Oh? That’s nice.

We ask dating experts if there is such a thing as an ideal time to drop the L bomb.

Last Updated: March 22, References. This article was co-authored by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. Sarah Schewitz, Psy. She received her Psy. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology practice helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in love and relationships. There are 11 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 2,, times. Do this even if you feel intimidated or scared that your partner doesn’t feel the same. Chances are, if you feel strongly toward your partner, they feel the same about you. With a little preparation and confidence, you can easily profess your love! Sarah Schewitz, PsyD. The right time to say ‘I love you’ is different for everyone. If you just want to let the person know how you feel, but you aren’t really attached to whether they say ‘I love you, too,’ then you can tell them whenever you start to feel it.

4 Signs Your Partner Said ‘I Love You’ Too Soon

What do you think is the average time it takes new couples to say “I love you”? Think it’d be a month? Maybe six? Well, according to research from dating website eharmony, the definitive average in Australia is two months. Less than a week! This made me wonder about the stories behind the averages.

They do this so there will be additional dates. When they say “I love you” before there is a foundation it is too soon. There are no instant.

While all great love stories are nuanced and should be allowed to unfold organically, we sought guidance from the experts to help you determine if the right time to say “I love you” first is now, later… or never. Because in our modern day, there are a multitude of things tugging at us constantly, asking to lure our attention—from open relationships to tantalizing strangers on social media and dating apps.

But before you spout off in a moment of passion, she advises that you sit with the feeling and become aware of what your expectations are surrounding it. The thrill of a new relationship starts with the rousing of initial intrigue, the attraction that renders you dizzy, and the fun of linking arms with someone who enjoys your favorite activities.

Berg suggests getting radically honest with yourself—dysfunctional patterns and all. Mann agrees, explaining that we often develop habits of seeking a relationship to fulfill needs that only we can satisfy. For example, you may believe you are in pursuit of love when, instead, you are unconsciously seeking an emotional crutch, or a happy distraction. Kevin Gilliland , Psy. But your significant other may be more reserved, only calling upon those words sparingly—perhaps during occasions of immense celebration or when gripped by the finality of death.

Mann says that confessing those words too soon may derail a relationship that is on an otherwise progressive track—but not when the investment is already solid. But you should be aware of some potential dangers. Long distance love “may increase your hunger for a person. When sex is forced to wait, more meaningful conversations are invited to enter the relationship. Is it genuinely a milestone that lives up to its hype?

Here’s When It’s Okay to Say ‘I Love You’ in a Relationship

You need to watch out for a guy who is saying I love you too soon. The reality is, love takes time to develop. Those early butterflies in your tummy? Those may just be all because of infatuation. Other people can attest that those people who fall in love so quickly can just as easily and quickly fall out of love.

When you’re dating a guy, it’s easy to think he’s perfect. He says “I love you” because he truly means it, and wants you to feel that love every.

Saying I love you is always a huge step in a relationship, a turning point. These words hold so much meaning and power. If you’ve been dating someone for a while and you’re having strong feelings for them, you’re probably wondering if you should reveal this to them. But how do you know when the time is right? Is there such a thing as saying it too soon? If you’re looking for advice on saying I love you for the first time, then you’re probably asking yourself many questions. Who says I love you first?

What Does It Mean to Be ‘Ready’ for a Relationship?

What it means when a man says ‘I love you’ for the first time. Ackerman of M. Yes, it’s true.

You know you are ready to say the L-word to your partner when you Make sure you go on at least one date before you tell the love of your life.

Have you ever had someone who’s in love try to explain being in love to you? Now that we know that everyone is confused, when is the right time to tell someone you love them? We can make this article as much of a playbook about when to say “I love you” as you like. But when push comes to shove, it’s fairly simple: Do you feel it? If people are more clear about what it is they are trying to say when they say it, that might give them a better guide in following their instincts.

I think there’s more about when you shouldn’t say it. The top part of the flicker, where it dances, is the most mesmerizing,” says Siegel. So even when the flickering dies down, how much is still simmering underneath? Ask yourself: If the skin-deep attraction fades, what do you have left? But if you look at them for their least attractive qualities and are pretty set to stick around, you may be onto something.

You should not forget a birthday. You also should not say “I love you” if you feel that you are under any sort of obligation.

Dating Advice: Who Should Say “I Love You” First?